The Silent Prayer

Today at interns was one of the most intense days of the year. We had extended prayer today (1.5 hours) and probably more than half the time we just sat/layed there. Not in the way where you are so overwhelmed in the presence of God and it's real good, but in the way where you feel so dry that you have nothing to pray. So you just sit. I can't speak for everyone I suppose, but this is what I felt. Jery was leading and we started with worshiping. "Let's bless God today" he said. I felt so empty and I maybe had a minute of worship in me over a 20 minute time span. I told the Lord, "I can't bless you right now. I have nothing to give you Lord. " I tried a little bit but then I said. "This is lame. I'm not going to just give you lip service. Better be silent then give you something that isn't real." So I just stopped and sat. Little by little everyone else began to stop trying and we all just sat. And sat. And layed. It's not that I've been slacking on spending time with the Lord, or I didn't pray before, I just had nothing to pray. I felt restrained by the Holy Spirit to not pray. But yet, I was praying. So I sat there and fixed my eyes on the Lord. He didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. It wasn't really pleasurable at all. It was actually very dry and wearisome in my spirit. But I was worshiping God by just waiting on Him. I felt like a dry, cracked, empty vessel and like I was just to sit there and present myself to Him. Here I am Lord, and I now realize that I can do nothing apart from you. I can't even pray apart from you. I can't even pray when I'm walking in the Spirit if you don't want me to. So I prayed the prayer of silence. And sat some more. It was quite painful, but less painful then if I had been compelled to try to "press in" or "stir myself up". Praise the Lord we were all on the same page. And so we sat in the nice, dry, desert of a prayer time. Why? I don't know. Because He's worth the wait. Because He was doing something. Because maybe we just needed to be still and know that He is God. I don't know, but I must say, it was a very interesting day. You're the best Lord, and you crack me up. :) Literally Lord, you were a nice hot wind today and I'm dry and cracked after hanging out with you. haha. I love my life.